I am compelled to share an experience I had while visiting my family in my hometown of San Antonio, Texas recently. It was what some may refer to as a "light bulb" moment or an "epiphany" moment.
For me, however, it was a moment of intense, emotional, eye-opening revelation from God Himself about a topic which has never set well with me. First of all, I would like to clarify the word, revelation, for the sake of not sounding like a cooky weirdo.
Revelation as defined in The Oxford New Desk Dictionary and Thesaurus, Third Edition, is 1. a. revealing, esp. by divine or supernatural agency. b. knowledge disclosed in this way, 2. striking disclosure. 3. (Revelation) last book of the New Testament. revelational adj. admission; declaration; discovery; disclosure.
I love how in the definition of revealing, some of the words used to describe it are expose, present, exhibit, unveil, uncover, lay bare and make known.
After reading these descriptive words, I am reminded of a scripture in I Corinthians 13:12. The King James Version talks about how we see through a glass darkly and the Amplified Version says that for now we are looking in a mirror which gives a dim or blurred refection but that there will come a time when "perfection comes" that we will see in reality.
I believe that this passage is stating that right now we don't see the clear picture or even the full picture but that there will come a time when God allows us to see the real and full picture of things we may question or not understand in this life.
After laying this groundwork, I will get back to my story.
It was brought up in casual conversation by some family members that what has happened in our past has brought us to where we are today. I have heard that many times from many different people over the years, and to be truthful, I have never liked that reasoning.
Please don't misunderstand me! I am so very grateful for where I am today, and it is because of God's forgiveness, grace, mercy and love. I know this and believe this with all of my heart. If you have had the chance to hear my story and my testimony, then you will fully understand where I am coming from. If you knew me in the past when I was younger before I knew Christ, then you totally understand, because you experienced my lost and dysfunctional life before Christ firsthand, bless your hearts.
It has never set well with me to hear people say that they wouldn't change anything in their past because it has brought them to where they are today. I have never been able to reconcile that way of thinking and feeling. I hate my past! I hate all of the horrible things that happened to me in my life! Most of all, I hate all of the horrible choices and the way I chose to live my life before I gave my life totally to Christ! So, you can see why I have always had a difficult time with that kind of reasoning.
I was driving one morning with my son and daughter in the car, and I was thinking about all that God has done for me in my life and family, and how very grateful I am to Him, and I could literally FEEL the gratitude and emotion of it welling up inside of me. This happens to me often, and sometimes, I don't think I can contain myself because I am so overwhelmed with gratitude and awe of how much God loves me, and how much I love Him. I have always felt like this was my lifestyle of worship to God for all that He has done!
I was also mulling over this "reasoning" which was brought up yet
again while I was there in San Antonio, and all of a sudden, it HIT me! I audibly gasped, and my daughter, who was sitting in the passenger seat, looked over at me, and said, "what's wrong," with a hint of alarm in her voice. I just looked at her, and looked at the road, and said, "I understand now. I finally understand."
She looked at me incredulously and said, "what do you understand," with a tone of frustration.
Unfortunately I have been known to do things like this when others are driving, and they become really agitated with me, because my gasp causes the driver to think something or someone is about to collide with our vehicle.
I quickly recovered, apologized for the abrupt alarm, and proceeded to explain through tears of joy and amazement what just became as clear to me as a crystal clear spring river.
I realized that because of all of the horrible things that happened in my life, by my choices and by others, I am so much more aware in my relationship with Christ of His Forgiveness and Love; of His infinite Mercies and Grace. The intense and overwhelming emotion I frequently experience of gratitude and awe for God is worth all of what I have been through in my life. It was finally reconciled for me! It was and is truly eye-opening and awe-inspiring! This is a gift from God!
I am reminded through this revelation of another passage of scripture in Romans 8:18 written by Paul which states:
For I consider that the sufferings of this present time(this present life) are not worth being compared with the glory that is about to be revealed to us and in us and for us and conferred on us!
Paul may be talking about a different suffering here in this passage, but I can't help but think that this is applicable to the topic I am writing about here as well.
We all go through suffering in different ways throughout our lives, but none of that compares to what God reveals to us, to what He does in us, for us and bestows or grants to us in our lives!
I would like to close this blog with a passage I read this morning in Psalm 24 which says
Lift up your heads, O you gates; and be lifted up, you age-abiding doors, that the King of glory may come in.8 Who is the King of glory? The Lord strong and mighty, the Lord mighty in battle.9 Lift up your heads, O you gates; yes, lift them up, you age-abiding doors, that the King of glory may come in.10 Who is [He then] this King of glory? The Lord of hosts, He is the King of glory. Selah [pause, and think of that]!
I urge you to read the entire Psalm 24. It is a total of ten verses and it is awesome!
I will probably blog about this passage on another day because it is so intriguing. I will let ya'll know what I find out!
In Christ Always,
Kimmie
